The Path

I used to think that my bipolar was an end all be all.

That this is it. This is me. I'm a default.

But as the years go by and I reflect.

I realized that I'm not defect.

I know that I have created a man made a wall.

Standing high towards the sky, maybe 70 feet tall.

But if I could create it.

I can tear it down, bit by bit.

Sure, my bipolar will always be here.

But the self-judgment, self-blame and self-sabotage can disappear.

In the past 7 years, I have done a lot of study into my mental illness.

But soon after, I realized...what I needed was to go inward and find peace in the stillness.

And be able to sit with my anxiety, and really FEEL my feelings

To not judge it and be aware of the layers and start the peeling.

Shedding coping mechanisms that maybe have worked to protect me before.

But I'm ready, I'm ready to get to the roots that have shaped me at my core.

I have been putting in the work.

No longer am I afraid of the scary thoughts that lurk.

I've discovered that a lot of my bipolar symptoms,

is a result of an absent, of how to do emotional regulation.

Because before, I didn't know how to check in with myself.

I would not unpack my emotions and stored it on a shelf.

I didn't know how to take an emotional bath.

But it's okay, I'm only human...it's time to create a new path.

A path of acceptance and taking my power back.

Of having gratitude for all the blessings and not focus on what I lack.

And letting go of the haunting memories that no longer serve me.

And focusing on what I can control, my thoughts shall set me free.

It's about approaching ourselves with curiosity and compassion

And being able to meet our own needs and be our own validation.

My bipolar does not have to be so intense.

Because I'm learning the strategies on how to get through the fence.

And despite what life throws at me.

I'm going to choose to be happy.

Sincerely,

Suree

Artwork by Suree Sompamitwong